Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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