ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
