I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
