She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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