we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
