So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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