Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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