I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
