Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
