do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
