Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
