hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
