A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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