youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
