i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
