lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
