I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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