I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
