Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
