I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Will exercising make me less horny?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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