I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
