he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
