oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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