someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
