Your face is a jimmy john
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
