anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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