Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
