We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Holy shit dude........stairs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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