Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
