dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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