i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
