covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
