So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
