last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
