I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
