took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
