i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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