omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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