I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
