Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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