and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
