"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
