had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
