I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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