bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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