I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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