Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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