Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
