Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
