Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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