I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
